Violence begets violence

“…the ultimate weakness of violence: it multiplies evil and… it doesn't solve any problems.” Martin Luther King Jr.

Widespread violence has been the order of the day across the country, as a fallout of peaceful protests which spiralled out of control. The protests called for the end to a cycle of VIOLENCE perpetrated by men of the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS) – a police unit better known for extortion, harassment, torture and murder of young citizens.

In a bid to end the protests which had gone on for several days in the streets, impeding certain socio-economic activities following blockage of roads, security forces resorted to VIOLENCE by gunning down unarmed civilians.

Evidently, this situation originated from (the use of) VIOLENCE and, as Lord Byron noted, “the sight of blood to crowds begets the thirst of more…” Michael N. Nagler also points out that ”…allowing violence to be used, or reacting in kind - will only serve to increase the violence.” It is, therefore, hardly any surprise that this chain of violence has only degenerated.

Smoke billowed overhead in several parts of the country as aggrieved (and even manipulated) youths, as well as unscrupulous opportunists, took to the streets to burn and loot malls, banks, vehicles amongst other government, public and private properties. Prison breaks have also been reported.

Tension and insecurity now rent the air; all taking root from the unproductive yet prevailing culture of VIOLENCE pervading our society. What is the way forward?

While it may not always be easy to embrace nonviolent alternatives in the face of agitation, it is pertinent to remember the words of Isaac Asimov that, “Nonviolence doesn't always work - but violence never does.”

VIOLENCE has consistently failed to produce any good, temporary or permanent. It there behoves on the government and the people alike, to sincerely pursue justice and equity through dialogue and understanding, because, according to Edward Bond, "if we do not stop being violent we have no future."

THE CRUCIAL ROLE OF MOTHERS IN RAISING BOYS WHO WON’T RAPE

First, I have to state that the duty of raising a well-behaved and well-balanced child – whether male or female – lies with both parents, as well as with every adult in the life of the child. However, there is a certain peculiarity, which can be exploited to strengthen this process, especially as it pertains to raising the male child.

Daughters are often somewhat attached to their fathers, while sons share a similar bond with the mothers. Mothers can and should, therefore, leverage this very unique and important relationship to influence the male child’s development.

Boys are usually seen to be aggressive, and so are generally regarded as the “tougher” of the two genders. Yet it is very commonplace to see a male child cringe at the sight of the mother in pain or hurt. Consequent of this, the male child is often more likely to take sides with his mother in the event of domestic parental conflict. 

Therein lies the very useful scenario that has been under-utilized, but needs to be harnessed in moulding the character of the male child into a boy (who will grow into a man) who will not rape.

As they grow into adulthood, especially in adolescence, girls grow and mature faster than boys. During puberty, therefore, more attention is paid to the girl child for obvious reasons, while the boy is often left out.

This is where the disconnect (between mother and male child) begins.

While the girl is taught to take responsibility (as she is groomed to become a mother and wife) in the home, the boy is mostly inadvertently left to take counsel mostly from peers. It is at this point that he could imbibe unwholesome tendencies as these counsels greatly influence his development in terms of his perceptions, perspectives and attributes during this formative stage of his life.

The point here is that the empathy and sympathy the male child feels for the mother as a child must be consciously cultivated during his formative years. The male child can and should be groomed to persist with this compassionate and “protective” disposition as he grows into adulthood.

This disposition should be leveraged to reinforce the message that it is grievous to hit or hurt, or even disrespect or be rude to a girl or a woman, no matter the provocation. Growing up with such a disposition and mindset should greatly inhibit any tendency to molest or violate, not to talk of rape.