Do we
really “spoil the child” when we “spare (the child hurt from) the rod”?Does hurting
the child with the rod necessarily bring out the best in the child?I suppose it
should then follow that every undisciplined child today must have been spared
the rod, right?
Wrong.
Much as
they vary in temperament and capabilities, children can be trained to become
well-behaved without necessarily having to undergo the pain of being beaten up.The
reason for the seeming
“supremacy” of the rod in training a child is because we have a higher
proclivity to punish bad behaviour as a way to correct the child.
As adults,
we are generally (supposed to be) smarter than children and so are in a better
position to speculate and understand their antics. We should, consequently, be
better equipped to “manipulate” them to produce the desired behavioural
patterns. And there is no better way to get children to do your bidding, than proactively
by preventing them from bad behaviour in the first place. This is discipline.
Therein
lies the conundrum, but let me digress a bit to make an important
clarification.
The
concepts of punishment and discipline are often misconstrued. It is
pertinent to note that there is a difference between the two.Basically,
discipline is proactive, while punishment is reactive;discipline prevents a child from wrong doing, while punishment comes as a result of wrong
doing.
An easy way
to discipline children and get them to behave properly is by involving them in setting
specific rules and behavioural patterns and the accompanying penalties for
non-compliance. This way, they will first owe it as a duty to themselves not
to break the rules they help set up.
Children
love glorification and reward, and this inherent “weakness” can be exploited to
induce discipline. We should therefore coax children into behaving well by
using reward systems, rather than wait to punish their misdeeds.This high
propensity for punishing the child should therefore be replaced with a tendency
to encourage and reward good behaviour.
Of course there are incorrigible cases
of exceptionally mischievous or recalcitrant children who seem beyond redemption
and we – out of despair and frustration – resort to using the rod. Well, even
when we do have to punish, it does not have to be by beating up the child! There
are various other ways to punish a child for wrong doing.
Deprivation (of anything that gives the
child joy) is a sure way. Grounding (while the others go on a social outing, or
even just outside to play) is another. Threatening to report his misdeed to the
child’s parent(s), teacher, or any adult who is influential in the child’s life
will cause the offending child some discomfort. And if any of these various other
ways does not deter a particular child, there are many possible combinations
that should ensure compliance! However, be sure to let the child know why he is
being punished.
