Spare the rod; spoil the child?

Do we really “spoil the child” when we “spare (the child hurt from) the rod”?Does hurting the child with the rod necessarily bring out the best in the child?I suppose it should then follow that every undisciplined child today must have been spared the rod, right?

Wrong.

Much as they vary in temperament and capabilities, children can be trained to become well-behaved without necessarily having to undergo the pain of being beaten up.The reason for the seeming “supremacy” of the rod in training a child is because we have a higher proclivity to punish bad behaviour as a way to correct the child.

As adults, we are generally (supposed to be) smarter than children and so are in a better position to speculate and understand their antics. We should, consequently, be better equipped to “manipulate” them to produce the desired behavioural patterns. And there is no better way to get children to do your bidding, than proactively by preventing them from bad behaviour in the first place. This is discipline.

Therein lies the conundrum, but let me digress a bit to make an important clarification.

The concepts of punishment and discipline are often misconstrued. It is pertinent to note that there is a difference between the two.Basically, discipline is proactive, while punishment is reactive;discipline prevents a child from wrong doing, while punishment comes as a result of wrong doing.

An easy way to discipline children and get them to behave properly is by involving them in setting specific rules and behavioural patterns and the accompanying penalties for non-compliance. This way, they will first owe it as a duty to themselves not to break the rules they help set up.

Children love glorification and reward, and this inherent “weakness” can be exploited to induce discipline. We should therefore coax children into behaving well by using reward systems, rather than wait to punish their misdeeds.This high propensity for punishing the child should therefore be replaced with a tendency to encourage and reward good behaviour.

Of course there are incorrigible cases of exceptionally mischievous or recalcitrant children who seem beyond redemption and we – out of despair and frustration – resort to using the rod. Well, even when we do have to punish, it does not have to be by beating up the child! There are various other ways to punish a child for wrong doing.

Deprivation (of anything that gives the child joy) is a sure way. Grounding (while the others go on a social outing, or even just outside to play) is another. Threatening to report his misdeed to the child’s parent(s), teacher, or any adult who is influential in the child’s life will cause the offending child some discomfort. And if any of these various other ways does not deter a particular child, there are many possible combinations that should ensure compliance! However, be sure to let the child know why he is being punished.

Let us first look beyond the rod of punishment.If you manage a child properly he will be disciplined and you will not need to use the rod (of correction).