Spanking: A silent Seed of Violence in children

Many do not see anything wrong when they “discipline” a child by beating or flogging (notice how violent even the words sound?). After all, it is culturally unacceptable to “spare the rod and spoil the child”, right?

We often hear, “…Nobody can decide for me whether or not to beat MY child, after all, I brought him to this world…!” And you begin to wonder if beating up a child is proof of paternity.

Others say, “…my parents spanked me when I was a child, but I came through it alright…” Admitting that some of our parents made mistakes in certain aspects of our disciplinary upbringing may seem like a betrayal or ingratitude, but it’s a fact. Either some of our parents did not know any better, just repeated what was done to them, or did what they considered the best based on what they knew.

Let us think critically. Is the concept of actually inducing pain the best punitive measure? Did we honestly feel any remorse for our misdeeds when we were spanked by some of our parents? Was it not the dialogue and soft words of reprimand that made us feel truly remorseful? In today’s dynamic world, parents need to meticulously address issues of discipline if they are to raise peace-loving and morally upright children.

Studies show that spanking is not more effective than non-physical punishments. Most parents who spank children only do so either because it is customary, or because they don’t know what else to do to control or punish a child. So what happens when spanking does not resolve a problem (like we all know it rarely does)? A tendency to hit harder emerges, right?

No matter how we try to justify or defend it, the fact remains that spanking is an act of violence. Despite widespread usage and acceptability, hitting someone is a violent act. One may be tempted to compare spanking a child to correct him with subjecting a patient to an injection to surgery. Well, injections and surgery have proved largely fruitful while spanking has not.

The violence we witness today in society is perpetrated by people. And these people did not become violent overnight. Parents show violence examples when they spank and the child learns that it is acceptable to gain control and power by inflicting pain on others. They emulate their parents and thereby develop violent lifestyles.

Generally, a closer parent-child relationship greatly reduces instances of truancy and misbehaviour in children. But where there is need to punish, there are several other forms of punishment which could be employed singly, alternately or simultaneously.

Remember that children can tell when they are punished for an offence from when parents transfer frustrations on them. They can also tell whether or not punishment is commensurate with the offence. So for every incident, the child should know why he is being punished, while the punishment should not surpass the offence. There should have been warnings or rebuke for first offenders with the punishments for recurrence clearly spelt out and agreed upon.

Children should never be punished in anger or in a way that may defeat the purpose of the punishment. They should always be made to understand that it is their misdeed that the parent hates and not them.

Yes, children are very recalcitrant, but they can be punished and corrected without spanking. By spanking, we abet a vicious cycle of violence that has been successfully passed on for several generations now. By spanking, we are simply bequeathing the same seed of violence as an inheritance to our children.

Imagine a new generation that knows nothing about hurting the next person…

The Prevalence of Violence in Nigeria: What are we doing wrong?

In Nigeria, young people have been killed for helping to conduct elections. Others are murdered just for vying for a political office, while several others are killed because they belong to another ethnic group or religion. Bombs are going off sporadically, even at the Police Headquarters!

Nigeria has continued a steady decline into an abyss of insecurity because of the escalation of violence. Where are we getting it all wrong?

In Nigeria it is common to see mothers spank little babies or toddlers for even very minor offences they know anything about. Fathers (and mothers too) do same to young children and adolescents – some, even to much older children! Grown up housekeepers, “gatemen” and even drivers also suffer the same fate.

In Nigeria, we make it a non-issue and accept it as normal when a woman drags her husbands by the collar and screams the house down whenever they have a misunderstanding. This sometimes degenerates to fights….with the children as witnesses…

Prefects and ‘senior students’ beat other students up in schools as punishment, like their teachers do.

We read about a house help being bathed with hot water or even acid for the least misdeed, after which people try to play it down with, “…the girl is a witch….”, “…if not for me she would have rotted in the village, I’m even helping her…” etc. A guy had his private part bathed with acid by his partner who accused him of infidelity and the womenfolk remarked that he deserved it.

We justify mob action on suspected criminals (guilty or not), just as we applaud public fighting, cheering on some one when he beats up the other person that “deserves it”.

Every Friday and Sunday, we converge at Mosques and Churches respectively, but during the week, we are an unforgiving hostile and aggressive lot who perpetrate violence at the least provocation. Consequently, even our churches have now become “vengeance centres” where we are constantly at war to kill our enemies, just as wrong teachings or wrong interpretations at mosques have inspired murder.

Inflicting pain on anyone because they did something wrong is the genesis of violence in our society. Innumerable actions such as those mentioned have been the umbilical cord feeding the seed of violence growing in the womb of humanity in our part of the world.

It is quite unfortunate that violence has eaten so deep into the fabric of our social consciousness. But instead of a reversal, we continue to promote violence in a variety of forms, oblivious of and even unperturbed by their short and long-term consequences. The only time we unanimously condemn violence is when it’s fatal and deaths are recorded.

It has become increasingly necessary that we take stock of our attitudes and make conscious efforts to talk more and use our hands and fists less.

Lessons from Aluu

Many are blaming an ineffective law-enforcement system (and by extension, the government) for the brutal murder of the four students of the University of Port Harcourt by irate Aluu residents. Does the lack of confidence in our flawed judicial system justify the kind of “jungle justice” meted out to these boys?

The widely reported brutal murder of those boys, if anything, brings to the fore, deep-lying brutality and viciousness in our social vein.

I have a personal experience of Aluu from a short stay sometime in 2007. The area is known for incessant cases of robbery, so I believe the boys were just unlucky scapegoats on which the residents vented past grievances. But then, the vigilante group and whoever else subjected the boys to such a macabre death do not have any constitutional right to take laws into their hands to the extent of taking the boys’ lives. This is first degree murder!

Today the boys are dead and gone, but their blood, relatives and friends cry for justice. Unfortunately, it is almost certain that most of the perpetrators of this hideous act would have absconded from Aluu as soon as the matter grew out of hand. For a prolonged incident that enjoyed such coverage however, it shouldn’t be too difficult a task to track down the culprits and bring them to face the full wrath of the law. The Nigerian police and other law enforcement bodies should prove their efficiency here.

Students of the University must be discouraged from any form of reprisal as this will instigate a feud that will not only result in more casualties, but will go on to threaten their coexistence with indigenes of the community.

After all, no matter what is done now, these boys – guilty or innocent – will not come back to life.

This painful should be viewed as a deterrent and a constant reminder of our collective responsibility to ourselves, our children and our country; that of eradicating violence from society.