Many do not see anything wrong when they “discipline” a child by
beating or flogging (notice how violent even the words sound?). After all, it
is culturally unacceptable to “spare the rod and spoil the child”, right?
We often hear, “…Nobody can
decide for me whether or not to beat MY child, after all, I brought him to this
world…!” And you begin to wonder if beating up a child is proof of paternity.
Others say, “…my parents
spanked me when I was a child, but I came through it alright…” Admitting
that some of our parents made mistakes in certain aspects of our disciplinary
upbringing may seem like a betrayal or ingratitude, but it’s a fact. Either some
of our parents did not know any better, just repeated what was done to them, or
did what they considered the best based on what they knew.
Let us think critically. Is the concept of actually inducing pain
the best punitive measure? Did we honestly feel any remorse for our misdeeds
when we were spanked by some of our parents? Was it not the dialogue and soft
words of reprimand that made us feel truly remorseful? In today’s dynamic
world, parents need to meticulously address issues of discipline if they are to
raise peace-loving and morally upright children.
Studies show that spanking is not more effective than non-physical
punishments. Most parents who spank children only do so either because it is
customary, or because they don’t know what else to do to control or punish a
child. So what happens when spanking does not resolve a problem (like we all
know it rarely does)? A tendency to hit harder emerges, right?
No matter how we try to justify or defend it, the fact remains that
spanking is an act of violence. Despite widespread usage and acceptability, hitting someone is a
violent act. One may be tempted to compare spanking a child to correct him with
subjecting a patient to an injection to surgery. Well, injections and surgery
have proved largely fruitful while spanking has not.
The violence we witness today in society is perpetrated by people.
And these people did not become violent overnight. Parents show violence
examples when they spank and the child learns that it is acceptable to gain
control and power by inflicting pain on others. They emulate their parents and thereby
develop violent lifestyles.
Generally, a closer parent-child relationship greatly reduces
instances of truancy and misbehaviour in children. But where there is need to
punish, there are several other forms of punishment which could be employed
singly, alternately or simultaneously.
Remember that children can tell when they are punished for an
offence from when parents transfer frustrations on them. They can also tell
whether or not punishment is commensurate with the offence. So for every
incident, the child should know why he is being punished, while the punishment
should not surpass the offence. There should have been warnings or rebuke for
first offenders with the punishments for recurrence clearly spelt out and
agreed upon.
Children should never be punished in anger or in a way that may
defeat the purpose of the punishment. They should always be made to understand
that it is their misdeed that the parent hates and not them.
Yes, children are very recalcitrant, but they can be punished and
corrected without spanking. By spanking, we abet a vicious cycle of violence
that has been successfully passed on for several generations now. By spanking,
we are simply bequeathing the same seed of violence as an inheritance to our
children.
Imagine a new generation that knows nothing about hurting the next
person…
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