Between Punishment and Discipline

When children make mistakes or misbehave, it behooves on the parents to correct them. However, the parents’ actions can determine whether or not a child learns from mistakes and takes the necessary correction. When it comes to correcting children, there’s a big difference between punishment and discipline and understanding this difference makes all the difference in terms of results.

Punishment

The word "punish" means allotting a penalty for an offense, and usually includes inflicting some kind of hurt. Punishment is therefore usually a penalty for an offense.

Many parents have outbursts of anger due to frustration occasioned by a child’s repeated misbehaviour. As a result, the sole aim of punishment by such parents is often a desperate bid to maintain control and to establish who is in charge. With this come a lot of problems.

A major problem with punishment is that children are given the message that they are, or have been bad – but they are not taught how to behave. The punishment “package” doesn't give them an opportunity to right their wrongs. It leads to guilt, shame, bitterness, resentment, regret, self-pity, fear and a lot of other negative emotions which the children focus on, as opposed to focusing on what they did wrong or how they can learn from and correct it.

Punishment also teaches children that they are somewhat incapable of behaving appropriately. They end up lacking confidence in themselves and in their ability to make decisions because they are unsure of what their parents’ views will be.

When children receive frequent punishments, they may grow up to be hostile and aggressive, especially if these punishments are inconsistent or incommensurate with offense.

Discipline

Discipline focuses on preventing misbehaviour in children by teaching them how to learn from their mistakes, manage their behaviours, deal with their feelings and find better ways to solve problems in the future.

Discipline is a loving way to show children your desire to keep them safe, teach them to make healthy choices for themselves, and gain independence. Age appropriate discipline strategies help children feel secure in their relationships with others and promote healthy self-esteem.

Discipline also helps foster a positive relationship between children and parents as children are often given positive attention on a regular basis to help reduce attention-seeking behaviours. Basically, effective discipline teaches children how to become responsible adults. 

Discipline or Punishment?

While punishment is entirely retributory, discipline is future-based, preventing future acts. Simply put, discipline is proactive, punishment is reactive.

Whereas the purpose of punishment is to inflict a penalty for an offense, the purpose of discipline is to train for correction and maturity. Whereas the origin of punishment is the frustration of the parent, the origin of discipline is a high motivation for the welfare of the child. And whereas the result of punishment is fear and shame, the result of discipline is security. Discipline always holds the child's best interests, not the parent's anger, in the forefront.

None of us wants God to give us what we deserve when we do wrong. But as much as we enjoy His mercy when applied to us, we have a hard time applying it to others, especially when the “others” are people we have control over (like children).

It is impartial to relate with God on the basis of mercy and with children on the basis of judgment. The parents’ role is to provide appropriate consequences and instruction to help children grow up behaving appropriately.