Raise Nonviolent Children in a Violent World: Teach gentleness

In a world where violence and cruelty are so common and seem to be almost acceptable, it is important to make an attempt to reverse the trend. It is of utmost importance to help children to be peaceful and nonviolent – to develop a sense of compassion for others.

As parents and adults, you cannot completely control all the things that affect your children's lives because children also spend a lot of time away from you, out in the competitive 'real world' which can often be harsh and aggressive. Then again, each child has a distinct personality and characteristics you can neither change nor control.

There are, however, ways you can raise compassionate and nonviolent children. One effective way is to teach them gentleness.

Empathy is innate; children show signs of concern from a very early age. They react with concern when they see unhappiness, wanting to help or fix the problem. This is evident in the way they handle their “baby” toys, or when they see somebody hurt.

As parents, it is most important that you let children know how deeply you feel about their behaviour toward others. Let them know how much it means to you that they behave responsibly and show kindness.

When you see a child doing something cruel, you should let them know right away that you do not approve of such behaviour. Speak firmly and honestly, and keep your focus on the act, not on the child’s personality. The idea is to teach them, not to make them feel guilty. Tell them, “What you did is not very nice”, rather than, “YOU are very wicked!”

Your reaction needs to be accompanied by information – an explanation of why you disapprove of the child’s action. Be frank, honest and upfront with children about what kind of behaviour you do and do not like. If they see that you have a real emotional commitment to something, it's more likely that the issue will become important to them, too.

Children watch their parents, and other adults, for clues on how to behave. In other words, our actions speak louder than words. If you are consistently caring and compassionate, it's more likely that your children or children around you will be too. Keep in mind that children pay a lot more attention to what you do; so much so that they may even question your contradictory disposition if you say one thing and do another.

Consequently, try to surround your children with other people who are kind and caring, so that they have several positive role models.

Parents understandably worry that their effort at home could be undermined by outside influences such as their children's friends, daily violence in the neighbourhood, movies, or a culture that exalts brutal or violent 'heroes'.

Here are a few things that you can do to help counteract these influences:

·         Give them books that promote compassionate behaviour.

·         Encourage them to watch movies, programmes, or shows that promote ideas about caring and helping.

·         You can't shield your children from everything, but a little discussion can go a long way. You may want to limit their viewing of violent programs or make out time to view such materials with them so as to provide proper guidance. Ask them to think about what they saw and to consider other approaches the characters might have taken.

·         Try to find organized ways for your children to get involved. Many volunteer organizations and churches have special programs for young people and even for children.